Month: August 2015

SPM [#smartphonemarriage]

“In the hallowed and sacred name of ‘Love Wins’ …we now request that you officiate our ‘same-sex wedding’!”  Pastor Harry looked at these two men with massive amounts of “equality egotism” in his heart, and it was actually this obsession with “equality” that now prevented him from accepting the role of officiant at this particular ceremony.  Bottom line …he was TOO PROGRESSIVE to marry these chaps.  Ever since the SCOTUS decision he had been compelled to busy himself with the civil rights work that was yet to come.  The historic and praiseworthy decision was merely the tipping point, and now that the snow ball was irreversibly cruising down the mountain – it would undoubtedly require his heroic efforts of clearing debris further down the slope which posed a threat to the glorious glories of progress.  Being one of the premier practitioners of tolerance and progress, Pastor Harry clearly couldn’t respond with a simple “No” to the request being so graciously presented to him by these gentlemen …so, without too much hesitation, Pastor Harry responded as follows:

“Of course I would cherish, and delight in, the opportunity to support you and celebrate your love and lovely civil rights at this momentous moment in your lives!  However, to be perfectly honest with you …I’m slammed.  You – more than most – know the rigors and scruples of our great cause, and there is simply no rest for those who weary themselves in this Great War for Equality!  If, perhaps, there were 3 persons – or better yet, 4 persons – of the same (or trans) gender then I would heartily, and without the slightest hesitation, agree to perform this wedding ceremony.  But I’ll level with you, this offer of yours is just not ground-breaking anymore – and hence I cannot be associated with it.  You must bear in mind that my most pressing business – at present – is now beyond your elementary (not to detract from its importance in the evolutionary process) civil rights achievement.  Please understand (bearing fruit in keeping with open-mindedness) that all who are enlightened enough to join our cause – look to people like myself to show them not what has already been won, but where we must walk and war next.  I admit that it is a courageous and arduous post to which I have been called, and so it is in any war …we must all make sacrifices.  Again, please understand, I have the utmost love, compassion, charity, and sympathy for you boys …but my calendar is currently full of preexisting commitments which I have magnanimously made to a variety of special interest groups who have yet to be liberated from oppression.  For instance, I have a client who desperately needs our culture to acknowledge his civil right to marry a second and third spouse.  It’s insane, in my haughty opinion, that this practice – which was so roundly accepted in times past – has somehow fallen out of popularity (…even narrow and intolerant societies such as ancient Israel condoned it!).  I also have a patron who has a burning desire to marry his eight year old son (and he is contemplating a union with his pet turtle as well – however, money is tight for this poor man, and I don’t need to tell you boys that the going rate for zoophilia weddings are off the charts these days …nonetheless, we must do all we can to accommodate his financial situation as we aim to assist him in celebrating his natural orientations and appetites).  You can – of course – see why this fight is so imminently worthy of my attention, our culture being – by and large – still unenlightened in its understanding of the relativized nature of “adultery” and “the age of accountability” (how – those who have historically been mislabeled – “children” have long suffered under the judgmental condescension of “adult”-biased culture).  I have dozens of customers who require the supreme court to acknowledge, endorse, and celebrate their love and commitment to their inanimate technological devices (namely their smart phones).  I don’t mind telling you that my progressivism is so impressively evolved that I am now working to obtain official legislation from the United States government to official legalize (i.e. officially enact laws pertaining to) marrying “isms” – you know, things like workaholism, materialism, consumerism, etc.  Clearly there is a profound passion at work in the hearts and minds of many members of our society – a passion that not only rivals, but obviously surpasses the passion that exists between human beings.  As I list these, no doubt you are sobered by the scary realization – that we (even those amongst the “toleration & equality contingent”) have been so horribly naive and small in our thinking and operations.  Of course we dare not relent or abate in our battle for that most prestigious civil right unique to “women” – of course I am referring to the profound privilege of abortion.  And finally, and I fear you may not be able to understand this (such is your feeble nature when it comes to absolute and utterly pure progressivism), but I have just agreed to represent an eminent and regal member of the KKK.  Of course, only a courageous and heroic progressive person like myself can go this far, but pure progressivism demands that we extend tolerance even to the radically intolerant.  I don’t doubt that you will – at present – feel somewhat repulsed at the idea of fighting for the civil rights of the KKK, but it is undeniably their core passion, orientation, and deep-seated craving to believe themselves (as white-skinned persons) supreme.  Of course, I am tolerant of your intolerance of such a situation, and that (my tolerance of your intolerance) is the most central and important thing amidst this inescapably complex paradigm of progressivism.”

“One word, Ma’am,” he said, coming back from the fire; limping, because of the pain. “One word. All you’ve been saying is quite right, I shouldn’t wonder. I’m a chap who always liked to know the worst and then put the best face I can on it. So I won’t deny any of what you said. But there’s one more thing to be said, even so. Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things-trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that’s a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We’re just babies making up a game, if you’re right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That’s why I’m going to stand by the play world. I’m on Aslan’s side even if there isn’t any Aslan to lead it. I’m going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn’t any Narnia. So, thanking you kindly for our supper, if these two gentlemen and the young lady are ready, we’re leaving your court at once and setting out in the dark to spend our lives looking for Overland. Not that our lives will be very long, I should think; but that’s a small loss if the world’s as dull a place as you say.”
C.S. Lewis, The Silver Chair

Renown Reasonableness

8 years prior he had been the least self-controlled person she had ever encountered.  However, now he was renown for being reasonable.  Where was this reasonableness coming from?  Like most root systems, the one giving rise to his composure was not visible, and thus she was mired (at least for the moment) in a mystery.  How on earth did a man like that – so rampantly insecure – go from avid anxiety to quiet confidence?  Unbeknownst to her, he was secretly receiving his reasonableness from another country.  Little did she know, he had actually transferred his citizenship to this other country, and was thus entitled to an endless amount of peace import.  The primary resource of that country was actually something called Righteousness.  And as it turned out, the King of that country had an unlimited amount of it and He was unbelievably liberal with it, insofar as He condescended to supply it in abundance for pathetic and pitiable people such as this fellow whom she was now finding to be quite the anomaly.  The reason this King’s righteousness had such a restful and poise-inducing effect on the man is twofold:  (1) whereas everyone else carried the burden of producing their own perfection, and lived under the tyrannizing pressure of finishing the work of their own redemption; this man – who had been subdued by The True King, and subsequently had been granted full citizenship within The True Kingdom – rested not in his own efforts and futile attempts to manufacture a righteousness of his own, but rather upon a life he did not live and upon a death he did not die – he staked his entire eternity; (2) whereas everyone else harbored massive amounts of insecurity due to their lack of perfection; this fellow had the assurance of imputed perfection …the righteousness of this King was bonafide and robust; it was in fact an infinite, eternal, and unchangeable kind of perfection.  Thus, both pressures of continuous performance and guaranteed perfection were dealt with on the most fundamental and foundational levels in this man’s life.  In short, the explanation for this man’s renown reasonableness was the result of his resting in a righteousness wrought and won on his behalf by none other than God Himself.  Nowadays, whenever the man felt himself in the gravitational pull of anxiety, he simply – like a child asking for a cup of water, or applying for the arms of their parents – requested peace (preemptively giving thanks as he made the supplication) from The King whose Kingdom is immovable and infinite …and peace was given to him.  And it should also be noted that this was no “ordinary peace” …rather, this was the Peace of God, which surpasses all understanding.  Of course the woman was befuddled! …she didn’t know what to make of it, clearly she could tell that the man was marveling amidst the climate of peace being provided for him, but at that moment she didn’t have eyes to see what he was seeing.  What she would later discover, is that the man was starring – entranced, addicted to, and fixated upon – a Crucified King!  A magnificent and radically royal stone which had been rejected by the builders …and though rejected, it had nonetheless – unavoidably and irreversibly – become the cornerstone!  The Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, the Conquering King accomplished and carried-out his Conquest by – against all odds – becoming The Lamb who was slain!  And as they beheld the glory of the Lord, they discovered themselves being transformed into the same image – from one degree of glory to another – bearing and embodying love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.