Dignity & Delight (or shame rooted in money and man’s empty praise)
Salvation/Rescue/Ransom (or devoured & destroyed)
Vision …Perspective & clarity (or idolatry, confusion, darkness)
Best Thought (or bad thought)
Dwelling with Wisdom & Truth (or foolishness & falsehood)
Father (or accuser)
Battle Shield (or flaccid facade)
____________ & ______________ only, first in my heart.
Stability or Superficiality [normative]
Security or Scared [situational]
Satisfaction or Social Script Stress [existential]
I am depressed. I said it. It is out there. It is nothing to be ashamed of. I hide behind my wall of laughs and jokes because that is the person I want to be, and sadly have not been for a while. I apologize for the ramble but recent events makes you come to grips with your decisions, daily and for your life.
I am haunted several times daily by the images of my cousin, whom I found on the floor of my first apartment, pleading with him to breathe. I am haunted by the fact that every day I want pain killers to make life easier, because that is what it did for me in the past. Yes, I needed vicodin. I had to use a cane to walk, and then when my Grandmother passed away from breast cancer I started to take more to dull the emotional pain as well. And even more so when my step mother took her own life a few short months later, where I was exposed to suicide really for the first time in my life.
It sucks. You go through all of the normal grieving stages, but the emotions are still there, they just get pushed a little further from your mind as time goes on.
We are human. We are flawed. Some people turn to religion, that is great and I really truly wish I was one of those people, but I can’t. I have always turned to food. Give me a Grilled Cheesus and Three Hail Rosemary potatoes every time. It fills the emptiness in the pit of seeming despair, and it is very tough to get out of.
I appreciate all of my friends and family because I know they are there for me. Sometimes you don’t want people to help you, and you are too ashamed to even ask for it. I am here to tell you that you should not feel ashamed. Life will get better, but you have to go through the terrible to appreciate the great even more.
I have some really great things planned for my life in 2015, and I still feel depressed. You can be a famous comedian and be depressed. You can have a beautiful girlfriend and still be depressed. It is not your fault so do not take it as that. It affects people that you would never guess. Intelligence can be both a blessing, and a terrible curse.
To finish this, I am going to quote Douglas Adams from the Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy. It may not make total sense to everyone, but for me it rings true. “On the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.”
“God is the highest good of the reasonable creature. The enjoyment of him is our proper; and is the only happiness with which our souls can be satisfied. To go to heaven, fully to enjoy God, is infinitely better than the most pleasant accommodations here. Better than fathers and mothers, husbands, wives, or children, or the company of any, or all earthly friends. These are but shadows; but the enjoyment of God is the substance. These are but scattered beams; but God is the sun. These are but streams; but God is the fountain. These are but drops, but God is the ocean.”
― Jonathan Edwards, The Works of Jonathan Edwards, Vol. 17: Sermons and Discourses, 1730-1733
“God’s presence, the interaction between Him and us, must always be the overwhelmingly dominant factor in the life we are to lead within the body, and any conception of Christian fellowship which does not mean primarily fellowship with Him is out of court.” – CSL
“We are all constantly teaching and learning, forgiving and being forgiven, representing Christ to man when we intercede, and man to Christ when other intercede for us. The sacrifice of selfish privacy which is daily demanded of us is daily repaid a hundredfold in the true growth of personality which the life of the Body encourages. Those who are members of one another become as diverse as the hand and the ear. That is why the worldlings are so monotonously alike compared with the almost fantastic variety of the saints. Obedience is the road to freedom, humility the road to pleasure, unity the road to personality.” – CSL
*a note on “equality” & submission.
“Equality is a quantitative term and therefore love often knows nothing of it. Authority exercised with humility and obedience accepted with delight are the very lines along which our spirits live. Even in the life of the affections, much more in the Body of Christ, we step outside that world which says “I am as good as you.” It is like turning from a march to a dance. It is like taking off our clothes. We become, as Chesterton said, taller when we bow; we become lowlier when we instruct.”
“If you wish to glimpse inside a human soul and get to know a man, don’t bother analyzing his ways of being silent, of talking, of weeping, of seeing how much he is moved by noble ideas; you will get better results if you just watch him laugh. If he laughs well, he’s a good man.”
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky
“To love someone means to see them as God intended them.”
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky
“Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.”
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Q.#26. How doth Christ execute the office of a king?
Christ executeth the office of a king, IN SUBDUING US TO HIMSELF, in ruling and defending us, and in restraining and conquering all his and our enemies.
Q.#31. What is effectual calling?
Effectual calling is the work of God’s Spirit, whereby, convincing us or our sin and misery, enlightening our minds in the knowledge of Christ, and renewing our wills, he doth persuade and enable us to embrace Jesus Christ, freely offered to us in the Gospel.